News flash: Barry Bonds tested positive for three types of steroids.

No freaking kidding.

Guess what else. It rains in Seattle. Yeah. And if you stick your hand in a fire you get burned. And, can you believe this? … Rod Blagojovich, a Chicago politician, is a crook. Yeah, a shocker. Know what else? If you fall out of a boat, you hit water. (Unless your name is Alfonso Sorriano and it’s the playoffs. Then, no.)

I gotta tell you though, all this hullabaloo over Bonds’ cheatin’ heart is starting to get on my nerves. I know it’s against the law and all, but I could give a crap if he lied to a Grand Jury. It’s not like he shot somebody or ‘accidentally’ forgot to pay $140,000 in taxes. Besides, everybody knows he used, so everybody knows he lied. The Grand Jury knows, baseball knows, Greg Anderson certainly knows, hell, even you latte-drinkin’ Giants fans who defend the guy know. I mean you gotta be living on another planet to look at the guy and think he’s clean. Arguing about it is like arguing over who won the game three days after the last out was recorded. The guy did it — look at him — so who gives a crap if he didn’t man-up in front of the Grand Jury?

Now, you wanna argue about something? Let’s talk records. Like the ones Bonds and McGwire misappropriated while at the same time acting like they had so much respect for the guys that set them. How do you honor Hank Aaron, what he went through, and his contribution to the game — and sports in general — when you cheat to break his career home run record? And what are you when you chemically transform your body to belittle the 61 yard shots that Maris hit in 1961? Let’s see … “ass hole” comes to mind.

The way I see it, the only way to know how good, say, A-Rod really is compared to guys like Ruth and Mantle would be to wind the clock back to before Madonna; before Kabbalah; before the $250 million contract; all the way back to the Mariners, and then make him smoke and drink and stay out all night, all season long. And for his whole career. Take a look at his numbers then, pallie. Hey, the guy is gifted, I’ll give you that. But on a level playing field, I think we’d be comparing him to Mickey Hatcher, not Mickey Mantle.

Anyway, as far as Bonds goes, it makes no sense to me to Al Capone the guy and try to hang him for lying to a Grand Jury. The real offense is the desecration of the records; records that were earned through talent and hard work, and in the face of adversity. I say, put the books back where they were before these guys started cooking them in the steroid kitchen. And then, open up a new wing in Cooperstown for Sammy and Barry and Clemens and the like that draws attention to what it is that they really brought to baseball; disgrace.

Joe