Of all the mind-numbing things that I couldn’t possibly care less about, we have the 4,327th reason why baseball kicks football’s ass; Deflategate. Does anybody with an IQ higher than a door knob really give 2 craps if a little bit of air was sucked outta some footballs 2 Super Bowls ago? That’s like still arguing about a bad call at second base in a 11-0 game from 2014. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, we’ve added 2 or 3 trillion dollars to the national debt over that period of time! A stark raving lunatic or a pantsuit-wearin’ pathological liar are likely to be president! And the Cubs are the hottest team in baseball! But the geniuses at NBC think we should care about a little air in some balls?! Gimme a break.
Who is it that makes these decisions? I swear, if you could wire together the brains of everybody in the NFL and everyone sittin’ above the mezzanine level at 30 Rock, you couldn’t power a 10 watt light bulb. If Roger Goodell and Tom Brady wanna keep swinging their itty bitty man parts at each other, I say let ’em. But do we really need to hear about it on the national news? Cuz if we do, maybe we should also get the Wenatchee River steelhead count, and live coverage of the Cheese Rolling Festival in Brockworth. It’s not news, people.
I guess if you’re a Patriots fan, maybe you think it’s news. But if you’re in that part of the country, I’ve got some news for you; IT’S FRIGGIN’ BASEBALL SEASON! You should be thinking about Big Papi, Pedey and the Sox. Or at least Gisele, who is like a set of those special radial tires; “all season.” So, puh-leeeeeeeeze, can we bench the Deflategate noise already? Nobody gives a crap.
Joe
As noisy as the Cubs bats were tonight — and it was like a friggin’ Linkin Park concert on steroids — they couldn’t quite drown out the silence of Cincinnati’s, who failed to produce a single base hit (not a little squib, not a dying quail, nothin’) against the super-hero arm of Jake Arrieta. You’ve heard of the zone? Well, wherever the hell that is, Jake’s smack dab in the dead center of it.
To be honest, I felt a little sorry for Cincinnati tonight. I mean, not sorry enough to feel bad; sorry in a way that I wanted to spare them the embarrassment of stepping into the batters box against this guy right now. Plus, it was just a colossal waste of time. It woulda been easier for everyone if, instead of stepping into the batters box, they just penciled in a strike out, or weak ground ball or pop out in the score book and then headed back out on the field. (Probably would have made Rob Manfred, MLB’s official time-keeper, happy.)
Likewise, instead of pitching to the Cubs tonight, it woulda been easier if Finnegan had just turned around and thrown the ball into the gap, or over the fence or something. 16 runs on 18 hits. In tennis that would be called “abuse of ball.” Love it.
I feel like I oughta be drooling over the offensive production more, and normally I would. But holy crap!, Arrieta has 2 no-no’s in his last 11 regular season starts. And … AND … the Reds haven’t been no-hit in the regular season since 1971, which I’d guess is long before most of you were born. That’s 7,110 games.
And tomorrow, we get to play these guys again.
Joe
Normally I would just let this slide past me, since it seems to be a relatively frequent occurrence these days … kinda like how I don’t pay attention to whatever idiotic thing just came outta The Donald. But one of these teams was the Cubs, so I gotta put in my 2 cents. And that’s this:
The utter stupidity of some Little League coaches (and some Little League parents, for that matter) never ceases to make me wanna secede from the human race. I’ve been around baseball since I was in diapers, so I’ve seen my share of this kinda thing. Like I said, it’s not that uncommon. What’s uncanny, though, is that every damn time — at least it seems like it — the eunuchs involved are the sorta loud-mouthed know-it-alls that have as much useful knowledge about baseball as I do about string theory and particle physics. I money-back guarantee you that’s the case here.
What I DO know, is that when morons like this decide to swing their dicks at each other they’re making a big mistake, if for no other reason than the decision itself means they have no dicks. What’s worse (for everyone except their wives or girlfriends … obvioiusly) is what their actions are teaching the kids — the ball players who are there just trying to learn the game and have some fun. What do they learn from this? The pick off play? The double steal? The drag bunt? No, no and no. Do they think “Wow, Mr So-en-so is just like Lou used to be. He must be a like a really great coach.” No, they don’t. They wonder why the hell these two MMA wannabes are ruining their game. And the sons — there are always sons — of these honyocks (look it up) are living in a nightmare. Not only are they so royally embarrassed that they wanna run and hide in the clubhouse (except there isn’t one in Little League), they also have to live with these guys, and their expectations, and their lack of control. I’m sure it makes for a happy childhood.
I’d like to see these colossal a-holes suffer the wrath that Bartman got; to not be able to show their faces in public; to be scorned by all who know them, and everyone else for that matter. And I sure as hell don’t think they should be coaching anyone. Least of all young, impressionable kids. #banemfromthegame
Joe
I find it mildly ironic that the candy-assed St Louis Cardinal organization has banned Joe Maddon’s “Try Not to Suck” t-shirts from their ball park. Cardinals spokesman Ron Watermon said the word “sucks” is on a list of curse words forbidden to appear on clothing in … get this … “Busch” Stadium.
That’s right. “Busch.”
I think you know where I could take that, my friend, but I’m not as petty as Mr Watermon or whoever came up with their list. The word “suck” happens to be part of everyday language in America. It’s part of the jargon. So, Mr Watermon, while you’re un-wadding your delicate little panties, you should know that it doesn’t take on any meaning beyond “you’re no good at something” unless you have a sewer for a mind, or you also define what’s being sucked.
Hey, Watermon … I got a definition for ya.
I’d like to point out that Joe’s t-shirt 1) benefits a charity and 2) was nothing more than a motivational line uttered by Maddon when he called up Baez last year. That’s it. No filth, no crass, no micro-aggression thrown in the direction of the friggin’ Cardinals. I thought baseball men were supposed to be tough and gritty. Apparently not so much in St Louis. Oh, and before I drop the subject of what’s offensive and what isn’t, I think we should ask what’s worse: a t-shirt that says “Try Not to Suck” that raises money for Respect 90, Maddon’s charity that supports athletics for inner-city Chicago kids, or Busch Stadium, named for a company that produces just under half of all the beer sold in the United States. Now I could extrapolate some numbers on that for drunk drivers, alcoholism, obesity, lost productivity and generally asinine behavior, but that would take years and cost hundreds of lives. I think you get my point.
Did I mention that Budweiser tastes like crap? It does.
So, while Jason Heyward is pelted with racial slurs by the classy fans in Busch Stadium (asinine behavior, as previously mentioned, possibly induced by the swill that is Budweiser), the precious little ballerinas in the Cards’ front office are making sure no one is offended by a harmless blue t-shirt. (Also comes in red, and green; the color of envy, which is what the friggin’ Cardinals are feeling this year for the Cubbies.) Pathetic.
Joe
Can you believe this? Rizzo’s got his name and mug on a cereal box. Let’s hope it’s the breakfast not just of champions, but of World Series champions in particular, my friend.
Joe
