The Playoffs

IN THE INTEREST OF PUBLIC SAFETY.

· 2008 Cubs, Joe Sez, The Playoffs ·

CUBS-FUTILITY

Hey, there peanut gallery. Joe Schlombowski here.

Not to beat a dead horse or anything (although that would give me a world of satisfaction right now) … not really, I’m just pissed. I mean how do you go from spanking the league all season to creating such a powerful sucking force as to risk creating a black hole in the universe? We should change our name to the Chicago Electrolux, or the Hoovers or somethin’.

To be fair, not everybody stunk it up, but as a team — and this is a team sport last I checked — we definitely played in an odoriferous, holy-cats!-who-cut-the-cheese? way. I quote Bull Durham again: “This is a simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball.” Apparently, that’s true for some, not so much for the Cubs. At least in the playoffs.

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HEY, IT COULD HAPPEN.

· 2008 Cubs, Joe Sez, The Playoffs

Alright. I’ve had time to cool down, repair the hole in the drywall, and get a new TV. And I have a new way of looking at the horrible (some would say pathetic) loss in Game 2.

Remember, in 2002, and 2003, the Red Sox made it past the Indians and then the A’s only to get eliminated by the Yankees. In each case, they were down 0 – 2 and came back to win the ALDS 3 – 2. So it is possible that we will now give the Dodgers a big helping of Second City bitters.

But the Sox lost each year. Couldn’t get past the friggin’ Yankees. And yet, that was the beginning of the new regime … the new Larry Lucchino and John Henry brains and money trust. It took a few years for the Red Sox, and then they busted through. It’s possible that’s what the Cubs are going through right now. We got the farm system, so as long as we know when to spend (Harden, maybe Sorianno, Edmonds) and when to fold (Fukudome), we will keep knocking at the door. And one of these days, Heidi Klum will answer that door wearing a gossamer camisole from Victoria’s Secret.

But maybe not this year.

I could be wrong. But I’m not.

Joe

NLDS 2008, GAME 2.

· 2008 Cubs, Joe Sez, The Playoffs · , , ,

Anybody still wondering if there is a God? I didn’t think so.

And I’ll tell you another thing … if that guy on the corner last night was right, and Jesus does save, he might want to insert himself in the Cubs lineup Saturday, because it doesn’t look like they’re gonna be able to save themselves.

At least I didn’t have to witness it from section 304 this time; thank you Katie Couric. Instead, I had to watch the debate on account of Sarah Palin sounding like a complete cinder block with Couric the other day. And because of that, the whole friggin’ country, including the Mrs, was tuning in to see if she needed to ask the Wizard for a brain.

Yep.

Oh, and for those of you who disagree with my read on that, there’s a good chance you could get a job as a Major League umpire. I mean in the 9th, Jerry Davis watched a ball off the bat of DeRosa hit the line right in front of his face, and he called it foul. So … I mean … you know … are you serious?!

Anyway, I turn the game on after, see the score is 5 zip, and turn it off. That lasted for about 20 minutes before I had to see what was going on. A disaster, that’s what, pal.

Hey, Lou, maybe you oughta sign Palin for the duration of the series. She was totally embarrassed in her last outing (sound familiar?) but did she roll over and let Biden steam roll her? Naw, she went back out there and took her cuts. You guys? 4 errors. It’s the baseball equivalent of “What the hell is the Bush doctrine?”

Of course I could be wrong. But I’m not.

Joe

NLDS 2008, GAME 1

· 2008 Cubs, Joe Sez, The Playoffs · , ,

DEMPSTER-STRIKE-ZONE-NLDS-GAME-1

Let me start this by saying that probably the best movie ever made (that you don’t have to be in a hotel room to watch) is Bull Durham. Just so you know.

So yesterday I walk out of Wrigley and, across from Murphy’s, there’s this guy with a Jesus sign going on and on about how Jesus saves, and this and that. So I’m thinking, well we got Kerry Wood, pal. (Not that he got a chance to save jack in game 1.) Anyway he’s looking right at me, so I say, “Oh, yeah, where?” So he says “In heaven, son, in heaven. You just gotta belieeeeeeve.” You know, like one of those white suit-wearing TV evangelist dudes, all in a rapture, waving his arms and throwing his head back like he’s Tim Lincecum.

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