GAME 6: CUBS 7, D-BACKS UNIFORMS 0.
· 2016 Cubs, Joe Sez · Arizona Diamondbacks, Baseball Fashion
Hey there, rag tops. Not to deviate from the fact that we capped off our road trip with yet another win (7-3 over the snakes … thank you) but I just can’t let this trip slide by without commenting on the abomination that is the D-backs uniforms.
I totally admit that after a game my t-shirt looks like Jackson Pollock attacked me with an economy sized French’s bottle. So who the hell am I to be pointin’ fashion fingers at anyone, right? In my defense, though, I think we all know that encased meats are messy (and delicious) epicurean delights, especially when properly overflowing with every item from the condiment bar. Therefore, getting a little dirty … well … that’s just part of the game, my friend. And I hasten to point out, accidental. (Hey, how’d you like that $10 word, “epicurean”, back there. Didn’t even have to look it up.)
The D-backs uni’s, on the other hand, were a conscious decision. Someone — probably with a white cane — decided it would be a good idea if Major League baseball players looked like they were crushing wine in the club house between innings. I mean what the hell?! Remember the Astros uni’s from the 70’s? Hideous, revolting, butt-friggin-ugly! But compared to these things the Snakes are wearin’, they were like the spring collection of Giorgio Armani. It make me wonder if anyone in the Arizona organization has ever heard the phrase, “dress for success.” That means that if you’re a banker you wear a dark, 3-piece suit. If you’re a rock star, you dress like you’re from the whacked out planet of Bling. And if you’re a baseball player you dress like you can hit flame throwing pitching, not like someone turned your legs into a friggin’ flame thrower.
This is baseball, not Fashion Week, my friend. As much as I hate the Yankees, they understand that. They have classy uniforms. Can you picture The Boss (Steinbrenner, for all you millennials) trotting his Bombers onto the hallowed grounds of Yankee Stadium sporting a nice paisley print instead of pinstripes? Not a friggin’ chance, pal. He had respect for the game. He was a bit of a dick, but he didn’t believe in gimmicks like it appears the Snakes do.
Now, I suppose if they end up winning their division — maybe with 100 W’s or something — we’ll see a bunch more teams next season looking like they dipped their pants in the ink well. But I don’t see that happening. For two reasons. The Giants and the Dodgers. Who also have classy uniforms.
But I still hate ’em.
Joe