WHO NEEDS TO FIND BOBBY FISCHER WHEN YOU’VE GOT JOE MADDON?

June 29 · 2016 Cubs, Joe Sez · Ben Zobrist, chess, Cincinnati Reds, Joe Maddon, Kris Bryant

JOE-MADDON-CHESS-MASTER

Boris Spasky? Garry Kasparov? Bobby Fischer? Pfft. You wanna talk about the grandest master of ’em all, you’ll be throwin’ the name Joe Maddon around, my friend. If you saw last night’s game, you know exactly what I’m talkin’ about. If I didn’t know better — but I do, cuz guys were wearin’ uniforms instead of suits, and the game was in Cincinnati not Reykjavik — I’d have sworn I was watchin’ a great chess match.

Maddon opened with the Zobrist Attack — nearly impossible to defend against — and then began to slowly and methodically dissect the Reds like the pawns they are. It was masterful; different than the night before, though, where he basically commanded the entire game with a single piece — a tactic known as the Bryant Challenge. But last night … last night’s middlegame was almost cruel. Maddon lulled the Reds into a sense of over-confidence by toyin’ with ’em. Even lettin’ them back in the game when he had a chance to close it out. This is known as the Rondon Gambit. There are similar Gambit moves — the Wood, the Grimm and the Stroup — that Maddon will attempt on occasion, but last night he went with Rondon.

You could see the Reds thinkin’ they had an opening, especially when they shut the door on the Cubs with their semi-brilliant (nothing the Reds do can technically be called “brilliant”) execution of the Votto Defense. But then Maddon started movin’ pieces around like a friggin’ tornado and exchanging ’em like teenage girls sharin’ a closet; Grimm for Rondon, Goghlan for Almora, Szczur from left to center, Edwards for Grimm, Montero to Edwards’s spot then Cahill for Edwards. This kinda chess-like mastery continued for the next 5 innings, with Maddon makin’ one of his most blinding moves — the Patton-Wood castling — in the 14th. Filthy. Really filthy.

It wasn’t until the 15th, though, that Big Joe pulled out the rarely-used Javier Baez Slam. An end game I don’t think anyone expected, least of all the Reds. That just friggin’ crushed whatever hope they’d been clinging to and 3 outs later … check-friggin-mate, my friend.

Tip of the Joe cap to you, Joe Maddon. That was 4 hours and 43 minutes of brilliance.

Joe

IN VOLCANIC TERMS, WE’D CALL THIS MEGACOLOSSAL.

April 08 · 2016 Cubs, Joe Sez · Anthony Rizzo, Ben Zobrist, Cubs Win!, Dexter Fowler

You know, when I was a kid, my parents used to get National Geographic. I used to thumb through it (for the articles, pal) and now and then there’d be a piece on volcanos. There were these awesome photos and fancy diagrams explaining how all this pent up raw power, buried inside the Earth, has to get out once in a while. And when it does, you got yourself a major league natural disaster.

Well, my friend, I think what we’re lookin’ at with this year’s Cubs is exactly that: the geological equivalent of Mt. Vesuvius or Mount St. Helens or Krakatoa or something. I mean the Cubs have been dormant for 107 years. Yeah, we shook up the Richter Scale in 1945, and had a few minor rumblings over the last 30 years, but it wasn’t until last year that people started wondering if the tremors on Chicago’s north side are for real. Based on pure scientific observation so far this season, I’d say it’s time to sound the Amber Alert system, cuz it’s looking like there’s a Prince Fielder-sized butt-load of molten Fowler, Rizzo, Zobrist and Arrieta that’s starting to explode on the rest of baseball.

You wanna talk natural disaster? I point you to last nights victory against the snakes. Rizzo lights up the entire state of Arizona with 6 RBIs and the Cubs go full-on ka-BOOM, lifting a 14 run ash cloud so thick they had to cancel flights outta Sky Harbor airport. That puts the Cubs at 3-0 this season (the first two against the Angels). Am I happy? Damn right. Am I counting on roasting a billy goat at the end of the playoffs? Not yet.

Why? Cuz in those 3 games, Maddon’s molten rock has left 71 men on base. SEVENTY-ONE! Sheesh. That’s like more guys than we put on base the entire month of June a couple years ago. Look at it that way and it ain’t that bad, especially with our pitching staff. But c’mon! You don’t have to be Bill James to figure out that stranding the equivalent of the entire paid attendance of a Durham Bulls game in just 3 nights will catch up to you after a while. Gotta do better bringing those guys around.

On top of that, Schwarber is down for the season. You don’t wanna see that no matter how deep your bench is. It’ll be good for Soler, Baez, Sczcur, and even Ross in terms of playing time, should improve their games and, as a result, improve the team as a whole. But it’s tough to replace the modern day Babe Ruth, in terms of his numbers at the plate and the effect I think he has on the rest of the guys. We’ll see how they respond tonight. If they channel the 2004 Red Sox, they’ll rise above Schwarber’s ACL. If they act like a bunch of girly scouts that didn’t sell enough cookies … well … I’m gonna kick in my friggin’ TV. And then I’m gonna go golfing cuz there won’t be any sense in watching them play like the Cubs.

That said, I’ve been following this team since I was in diapers (and I’ll be following them long past when I’m wearing them again) and I’ve NEVER seen anything like this, my friend.

Joe