Hey there, popcorn balls. Yesterday’s Cubs-Crew matinée was a slow build, don’t you think? It wasn’t the kind of performance you’d walk out on (which is somethin’ you better hope I never catch you doin’) but I give just a single Siskel & Ebert thumbs up for the first seven frames — mostly for the command performance by Yu Darvish, who had control of the entire cast, especially the Crew, from the moment he took center stage. But after Happ had K’d for the third time (bringin’ his 2018 total to a lead0ff hitter, mind-blowing 17) and we’d squandered I don’t know how many opportunities to yank Milwaukee off the stage — including handing them the lead in the 8th — it started feelin’ a whole lot like another tragedy — somethin’ we’ve had to sit through way too many times already this season.

“The web of our life is of a mingled yarn, good and ill together.” ~ All’s Well That Ends Well.

Just when it started to look like the curtain might come down on the Cubs, though, the last scene began to unfold, with unforgettable performances by Happ, Zobrist, Bryant and Lester, as well as a few memorable scenes from the rest of the lineup. But the standing ovation goes to the left side of Milwaukee’s infield, who’s bumbling performance in the 9th turned what could have been a scene-stealing 2-1 ending into a laugh-riot comedy of errors.

The final act opened without betraying what was about to happen when LaStella popped out on the first pitch. But then Brewer shortstop, Orlando Arcia, booted a routine Caratini grounder for an error, which Heyward followed with a walk. Now we got guys on first and second; one out. Baez then swats a potential double-play ball to third baseman Travis Shaw. But Shaw, blinded by the lime light or somethin’, couldn’t get his glove on the ball, and loaded the bases, settin’ the stage for what happened next.

First, Russell, who’d come in to pinch-run for Caratini, scores on Zobrist’s infield single to tie the game at 2. Nice diving grab by Thames at first, too. But Barnes, who’d been brought in to close and was coverin’ first, missed it with his foot. Nothin’ hit outta the infield yet, but the game is tied, the bases are still loaded, still just one out.

Enter Happ, stage left, who like I said before has been playin’ like he WANTS to get pelted with rotten tomatoes. But he spanks a singled to left center, drivin’ in Heyward and Baez instead. The ovation nearly brought down the house … AND WE WERE IN FRIGGIN’ MILLER PARK for Chrissakes! (I know that really pisses off Brewers fans, which makes it all that much sweeter, especially since they tied to keep Cubs fans outta Wrigley North with a stupid “Wisconsin residents only” ticket policy this year. How’d that work out for ya, Crew?!)

Still just one out, bases still loaded and Bryant, who’d singled and homered earlier, and tripled in the 8th, gets a free pass, which brings me to my favorite act in the whole damn show. The stage is set for tackin’ on a few more runs: There’s still only one out and the bases are still jacked. So what does Maddon do? He brings in Lester — a pitcher hittin’ .083 — to pinch hit. That’s gotta friggin’ sting. Most especially since it worked. Lester’s sacrifice bunt to scores Zo from third makin’ it 5-2, Cubs.

“To be or not to be? That is the question.” ~ Hamlet

Sometimes you gotta wait ’til that last act unfolds before that question gets answered, and that’s what happened yesterday, my friend. As it turned out, it was most definitely “to be” for the Cubbies. Brandon Morrow came in and swept up the stage with what was left of the Brewers, and that, as they say, was that.

I expect my whining the past week over the Cubs’ lukewarm start is gonna turn out to be much ado about nothing.

Joe

PS. Parting is such sweet sorrow. Not as sweet as takin’ a dump on Milwaukee, though.