TIP FOR PIRATES FANS TOMORROW: DON’T EAT THE YELLOW SNOW.

For those who’ve been livin’ on another planet, tomorrow is the 2018 Chicago Cubs home opener. No doubt there will be a handful of Pirates fans who are incapable of suppressing their desire to don that hideous yellow jacket-colored swag and sprinkle themselves throughout the Friendly Confines.

I can think of only two reasons for this:

1) Pirates fans are masochists: They get some kinda perverse pleasure outta pain … like the kind the Cubbies are gonna unload on the Bucks tomorrow.

2) Pirates fans like snow: It’s gonna snow tomorrow. And even if it doesn’t, it’s gonna be wind-off-the-lake frigid — like Hillary Clinton. This is not baseball weather, my friend. At least in Chi-town. But at least we have a totally legit excuse for showin’ up for a ballgame dressed like we just beamed down from K2’s basecamp. It’s the home opener, pal. Nuff said.

But Pirate fans? It’s gotta be cuz they like snow as much as they like dressin’ like human caution signs in public. Why else subject yourself to an in-person beat down under the influence of a large Canadian low?

Whatever the reason, they’re bound to show. And there’s bound to be yellow snow: 40,000 fans, 100,000+ beers, post game revelry, Wrigleyville. Yeah, there’s gonna be yellow snow. But I, Joe Schlombowski, master of the cheap seats, implore you to offer them the best of the midwesterner’s code — be friendly; share your scarf or somethin’; maybe buy ’em a hot chocolate. And by all means, don’t forget to warn ’em about the yellow snow. (They like yellow. They’re Pirates fans. They’re likely to eat it.)

Joe

PS. You might wanna give ’em a similar warning about urinal cookies.